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Private Larry Lasterfitz was always last. He was last to hear about pretty much everything. He was last in his high school class. When World War II started, Larry was last in line to enlist. The army recruiter handed Larry clothes that were too baggy, a helmet that wouldn't fit, and a wooden rifle. "Sorry, all the real ones are gone. We'll get you a new one ASAP."
Larry went to the shooting range the first day, armed with his fake rifle. His Drill Instructor looked at his weapon and told him to pretend he was shooting the target. Larry began to just point the wooden rifle at the target and said "BAM! BAM!"
Larry was shipped off to Germany, but he didn't get his real rifle. He got to Germany unarmed. His unit was ordered to attack a German-held villiage. When they arrived, Larry was still equiped with his wooden rifle. The Germans started shooting. Larry yelled to his commander, "SIR! What do I do?" The man turned back and said, "Do what they told you in training."
Larry, not having much else to do, pointed his fake gun and quietly said, "BAM!" A machine gun nest suddenly went silent. Larry muttered it again. Suddenly, Germans were fleeing. "WOW! This thing really works!" Larry fearlessly charges the Germans, and starts to beat them back. His commander is quite impressed, and orders him to lead another charge.
Running down a street, Larry saw a man coming at him slowly and unarmed. He aimed his wooden rifle and said, "BAM!" The man didn't fall; instead, he began to move faster towards Larry. Larry panicked, and started yelling "BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!" loudly, but to no avail. Finally, Larry noticed the German was saying something. The German soldier closed in when Larry realized what he was saying and that he was outmatched. He ran.
The German continued slowly down the street, saying "Tankity-tank tank tank. Tankity-tank tank tank." |
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